Happy Birthday Matt!

Matt birthday was on the 8th of this month and he is fairly anti-birthday. He does not like attention brought to him, he does not love birthday parties, and he always just wants to be with us on his birthday. So, instead of a party for Matt, I decided to take him on a date (a rare event for us) and to make him an extravagant pastry (because he is not a big fan of cake).

So, I got a sitter and we went out to our favorite restaurant that we do not go to that often because it is pricey and we are usually towing around four kids. We went to Carrabbas for dinner and it was delicious and I had missed it so very much. Three words: Pollo Rosa Maria. I did not take pictures of dinner... because I am lame.

Then, we went to McCords farm in Provo and we played zombie paintball with a bunch of 14 year old kids. Yes, you heard right, zombie paintball; where we rode a tractor and shot glow in the dark paintballs at zombie actors for 18 dollars a person. It was way over priced for what you actually get, but it was a fun treat for us to get out and do something fun and new.

Zombie paintball definitely made me feel old as there were all these kids there. I remember being young and going to the Haunted Forest back when my friends and I were like 15. I don't remember being just dropped off places when I was that young though; my friends and I always had a parental chaperone. But, now that I am older, haunted houses do not have the allure that they did when I was a kid. They are not scary to me, and even if they were, I do not like scaring myself. I remember being young and enjoying the thrill of being scared by a haunted house or a roller coaster, but now that I am in my thirties, I do not like the feeling of being scared. I am worried for my kids all the time and I see the realities and horrors that can happen in the world and I am much happier getting a thrill from seeing my twin pee on the toilet for the first time, or Dano try and do a handstand, or Nicole draw me a pikachu complete with shading, or Logan say, "Mama, all done." I think that there are so many thrills in everyday life that make life entertaining and amazing.

Side tracked again! I really have missed writing, so I may get side tracked at times before I get back on track to what I am actually posting about. So, I picked a dessert off of Matt's favorite blog, http://www.wildyeastblog.com/pumpkin-brioche-apple-tart/ . And even though it doesn't use wild yeast, I felt it was a large endeavor that Matt would love. I made the dough the night before, then spent three hours the day of shaping, rising, assembling and baking it and it came out oh so pretty. It is really the prettiest thing I have ever baked and it was delicious. I am never making a tart with anything but brioche as the crust because it was awesome.

Because the dough recipe was so large (so you don't waste any of your can of pumpkin puree) I had a ton of dough left over, so I made these pumpkin brioche cinnamon rolls with the extra dough. They were not as delicious as the tart, but they were sweet and yummy. We had an excess of them though, so I sent a bunch to work with Matt and they were devoured in seconds. Matt thinks it is really hot when I bake him things from scratch. Oh yeah, win one for the wife.

So, it was a low key birthday, but I try and make it special for him and I bought him a brand new cell phone as a gift because Logan sat on his last phone and the screen broke. I guess we should have watched the youtube video to see if it passed the bend test before we bought it. Live and learn.

Family Pictures 2016

We started getting family pictures taken about three years ago. Why did we wait so long when we have been married for 9 years and our oldest child is 7? Because up until 3 years ago, we couldn't afford name brand yogurt let alone the luxury of family pictures. So, this blog has been littered with those photos that we took three years ago before I was even pregnant with the twins. Now, we are lucky enough that we can afford to get family pictures, which we did, two weeks ago.

Our friends, the Myricks took the pictures for us; Jessica Myrick (https://www.facebook.com/JesMyrickPhotography/)to be more specific as she took the pictures and her husband assisted. And by "assisted" I mean that he watched the kids that were not in the pictures and was on "twin watch" to ensure that they didn't run out in to the street.

I love this one of Scott picking his nose. Classic Scott.

 We took the pics in downtown Provo at the Startup building, which I had only been to once before when I was checking out a Pokemon Go party. When Pokemon Go first came out, we were one of the millions that downloaded the app and it was super fun for a little while until it kept crashing and crashing and crashing. And then the Provo Library got rid of their Poke stops and I was super sad and stopped playing. And now I don't play it. It was junking up my phone and slowing it down and rarely worked. I will wait for a better update to come and maybe for a time when I have a more powerful phone that can handle such apps. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, family pictures.

This is what it was like for "just kid pictures;" Scott running toward me and Logan trying to escape as well.

 We did not get a good picture of just the kids because the twins would not stay with the older kids to pose. They continually kept trying to get to Matt and I. Alas. But, we got some good ones of all of us, so I was not disappointed with the outcome. I shall now provide you with some of the best shots and some of the funniest shots.

 We were lucky to get a good shot of Nicole as she would not stop jumping for the picture. She really wanted a jumping picture for some reason and kept jumping out of the frame like a silly. I guess it is a kid thing.

 Dano was amazing, of course, and all of his shots were good. I had a hard time just picking one that I liked. He is blessed with being patient enough to get his picture taken and being gorgeous all the time so he looks good in all the pictures. He is my easiest child by a large margin.

They held hands for like three seconds and Jessica was able to capture this moment that I will count as a cute, sweet moment even though they ran away one second later.

 This was the best Logan shot. There were a lot of good shots of Logan. He is also very photogenic and is a smiley little man. Scott on the other hand...

 This is the best shot of the twins together. I think they look so cute! Even though Scott is not smiling, he is looking at the camera and in my book, that is a big win.

Me chasing the twins and trying to herd them in the right direction as they run away.

Me guiding the twins in the right direction for our next location for shots.

 Look at these handsome men! I made all these guys, it is true. I am taking credit for their cute looks.

This is our best Scott shot. He is actually smiling which is like, "wow." Scott gives rare smiles, but we handed him the car keys and he got really happy about it.

 Matt and I got a bunch of pictures taken of the two of us. Most of them turned out really good, but I picked just one to show you here so it doesn't look like I am too vain... even though I kinda am.

Lastly, Jessica took some shots of just me, most of which I did not like. I guess I am vain and very critical of myself. I am a tangled web of confusion. Matt declined getting singles of himself because that is his way and he doesn't really like the whole getting his picture taken thing.

Overall I was so pleased with the results of the pictures even though it was comical trying to wrangle the twins and take their pictures. But Jessica is amazing and we were done with pictures after only an hour. So, we are done with pictures for another year and I am hoping that next I look even better than I am this year. Women look better with age right?

Smallies!

I started watching Smallville today during my instituted quiet time. Matt bought me all the seasons back when I was pregnant with the twins and bed ridden, but I didn't get a chance to watch them as the babies came a week before my scheduled C-section. So, they have been sitting on my shelf, gathering dust and being neglected while I run around chasing two 2-year-old boys, trying to keep them from killing themselves. But, in an effort to give back to me, I am watching them.

Watching them brings me back to the days of my youth, the days of Yor, days of Yon, Days of Future Past (fun fact, I named the twins after I saw that movie for the first time). Smallville started when I was in high school and it holds a nostalgia for me of those days where TV was the most important thing in my life (sad I know, but I was a teenager). I used to love Tuesday nights where I would sack out in front of the TV for Smallville and Buffy. When I lived in the dorms, I had to get in the TV room thirty minutes before my show so that I could claim dibs on picking the station. Oh, those were the days.

I love Smallville because it was the first of the "superhero" shows to make it's debut in this century. It was innocent and fun and plot driven and heart wrenching and wrapped me up in a world that was beyond my own for 45 whole minutes before I came back to reality. My good friend, Lisa, only knew me as "smallville" for months because she only knew me as the girl from the dorm who insisted that all must watch Smallville in the dorm one night a week. (she did eventually learn my name and we became friends, moved back to Utah together, lived together for a year, and she was my bridesmaid for my wedding. So, you could say that Smallville brought us together.) Now, there are like 7 super hero shows on TV (Agents of Shield, Agent Carter, Gotham, Flash, Jessica Jones, Green Arrow...I feel like I am missing one) and I watch none of them because they all are a sub par variety of what Smallville once was.

And so, I am venturing into the 10th and final season of Smallville and it can only be described as EPIC!!! I am remembering why I loved tv so much, it used to be awesome. Now, it is mildly entertaining, but not the amazing thing that it once was. Luckily, I have four children and a husband that keep me entertained and TV is not the center of my obsession any more. But I lament for awesome television and Tom Welling shirtless (don't tell Matt!).

Have You Missed Me?

It has been two years since I have posted on this blog and if you ask me, that is way too long a time to be absent. My only excuse for my prolonged disappearance is twin boys. I thought I was going to be all awesome at being a twin mom while raising two other children, but it turns out that it is like really hard.  So, the last two years have been a lot like survival mode for me. A time where I am lucky if, at the end of the day, every one is uninjured, fed, and clean. I rarely...or never have time to hop on my laptop and if I did have time, I would much rather spend that time sleeping because sleep is oh so very rare.

So, now, Nicole is in second grade and gone for 6 hours a day and Dano is in Kindergarten and gone for 3 hours a day and that leaves me with just the twins for 3 sweet hours most days. And during that time I try really hard to get both of my two-year-olds to nap at the very same time so that I can get maybe 2 hours to myself five whole days a week. It works about  2/5ths of the time. And, I have decided to use one of those days of the week during those precious two hours to blog on this lovely blog. The other days that I get those hours I am going to use selfishly to sleep or fold laundry or do the dishes. I am selfish like that. So, one can hope that I will have a weekly update for my very neglected blog. Okay, plan made, I shall attempt to hold myself to that very shotty plan.

I really really love blogging and I have missed it dearly. I have felt like just a mommy; a very tired and neglected mommy for these last two years. Writing has been such a big part of my life for... well for forever. Before I started this blog back in 2004, I had email and a journal and letters that fed my need for writing. Then, I had this blog and a career that paid me to write (which lets face it is totally awesome because writing is not only easy, but fun). And then I had these last two years of diapers, sleep deprivation, cooking/preparing three meals a day, play dates, carpooling two and from school, teaching preschool, watching more Disney movies than I ever did as a child, cleaning, going to story time, playing at the park, and doing a million other little things that being a mother entails. And it has been rewarding in many ways, but I have also felt like a piece of myself has been missing; like I have been merely surviving and not really living. Which leads me back to writing and this blog. I am not a great... orator (one who speaks well...right?), but I am able to aptly, succinctly, eloquently, and wittily express myself through writing. I was asked to share something from a journal from my youth recently and instead of reading my teenage journals, I simply went back to my early years on this blog and I was pleasantly surprised by my own writing. As I read my old posts I was tickled by how awesome and funny my own writing is and I missed it sorely.

In conclusion, I hope to post more on this blog of mine in the near future that I might find an outlet for my own happiness, that I might record some of my more daily life as a young mother and that I might reconnect with my blogging friends and family. Hopefully this shall all come to pass.

Newborn Photos

I had my friend Jasmine come and do newborn photos for the twins when they were two weeks old. I was very sick from my infections and I was still feeling awful from surgery and I was sleep deprived and weak, so I only allowed two hours for the photo shoot. But, despite the abbreviated time line, Jasmine was able to get some good shots.

I had my sister-in-law come over and help for the shoot because I was so weak I could barely hold the babies. It was actually a really difficult situation for me, but I am pleased with the results.

 This position never worked. We couldn't get them to sit still and stop fussing. But they are super cute when they are naked.

Summer Party

I haven't gotten out very much since the babies were born, but I took a little break from the babies to take Nicole and Dano to a swim birthday party.

A friend had rented an inflatable water slide. Dano and Nicole jumped right in, no fear and started playing on the thing. It is quite a testament to how far Nicole has come. She is so brave in new situations and tries new things all the time as of late. I am so proud of her.

 Dano kept torturing a neighbor boy by squirting him with the squirt gun. His parents were not concerned though and kept egging Dano on to do it again, so I just let it go.

Nicole found a hula hoop and spent a good fifteen minutes trying to get it to work. She was so cute doing it though she wasn't very successful. But, she had fun doing it.

It was only an hour out of the house, but it was good to get out for a little bit. But, at the end of an hour, I was ready to get home to the babies. I find myself very nervous when I am away from them, even when they are home with Daddy. I just am not ready to be away for long periods of time.

My Twins

I thought that I would blog more during my twin pregnancy to keep a record of all that was happening. But, I found myself not wanting to write during my pregnancy. Pregnancy changes me. During my Nicole pregnancy, I didn't want to read; during my Dano pregnancy, I didn't want to draw, and during my twin pregnancy, I just didn't want to write. I go through weird moods during pregnancy. But, despite my lack of writing, I did keep taking pictures of myself to watch myself grow exponentially.

18 weeks

24 weeks

28 weeka

30 weeks

32 weeks

33 weeks

35 weeks

36 weeks

This pregnancy was harder than any one that I have had before. I felt more unable to move and maneuver myself and I was incapacitated around 32 weeks. I stopped going to church, stopped doing chores, and stayed laying down most of the time. I had help from family members and friends all the time. People helped play with Nicole and Dan, helped with meals, helped put the kids to bed, and helped clean my house. I felt very helpless. I had to rely on other people to do all the things that are my job, and I had to ask for help. I didn't like it. It was a very emotional time for me.

My food cravings during the pregnancy mostly consisted of fruits, fish, and meat. I didn't have any major complications during the pregnancy, which was awesome. I was healthy, the babies were healthy, I was just giant and uncomfortable.

I felt the babies moving very early on; before I even hit twelve weeks, I felt the fluttering of the babies movement. There was a lot more pain involved in this pregnancy than in my other pregnancies, perhaps due to the fact that I was growing exponentially faster than normal, and definitely due to double the baby movement. The babies kicking and moving and shifting was very painful and extremely difficult to sleep through.

Sleep was so difficult during the pregnancy. I was never comfortable, one baby seemed to be awake and kicking all the time, and I was overly anxious about everything which meant my brain didn't want to shut down and stop thinking long enough for me to sleep.

I put myself on bed rest eventually in an attempt to keep the babies in as long as I could, but these babies had a mind of their own and came around 36 weeks and 4 days.

I think that I will write my birth story in a different post. But, I will say that we expected to schedule a c-section at 38 weeks, but I went into labor before than. But, I still got a c-section because Baby A was breech and Baby B was transverse.

The babies were born on July 19th, 2014.

After the twins were here and I was in the hospital recovering, I was just so happy to not be pregnant any more. The hospital stay was awesome. I people to take care of the babies, people to take care of me and I had alone time with Matt. I was able to spend time alone with the babies and send them away to the nursery when I needed to sleep. Plus, I got my meals sent to me three times a day and I had round the clock pain killers. I look fondly on those three days. I was in pain from the surgery, but it was still awesome because I had so many paid professionals helping me out.

I had my awesome Mom home with my kids taking care of them while Matt stayed in the hospital with me. I learned after I had Dano and was in the hospital alone while Matt was home with Nicole that it makes me very sad when I have that much time alone. I like being with people much better than being alone.

After the three days, we headed home. I can't tell you much about those first few days at home because they are very much a blur. But, I remember feeling like I was tired all the time, that I was never going to get a prolonged sleep and that I was in constant pain from the surgery and from nursing.

Logan and Scott

Logan and Scott

Logan and Scott

Me and Logan

Logan and Scott

Logan

Logan and Scott

Scott

After one week, I was falling apart. I was in worse pain, I felt achey, my breasts hurts so bad, and I woke in the middle of the night with a fever of 103 degrees. Matt called the on-call doctor at my OB's office and a doctor who had just delivered a baby did a house call for us at 3am. He gave me a shot of antibiotic and I made an appointment to come in to the office in the morning. Turned out that I had a post-op infection and mastitis. So, they put me on heavy antibiotics which made me feel better, but the twins feel worse. Within days, both twins and I had yeast infections. So, I took the twins back to the doctor for medicine for that. Then, a week later, Logan had goopy eyes, which turned out to be clogged tear ducts and we discovered that both twins had thrush, so we went back to the doctor for that. Two weeks later, the twins had finally hit their full term mark and we took them in to get circumcised, so we went back again to the doctor for that. I feel as if we have been back to the doctor many many times. Since their births, I feel like we have just been trying to find our stasis.

My recovery has been really hard. It turns out that recovering from surgery is a lot more painful and difficult than recovering from birth. Especially since my births are not that physically damaging. But, I am so glad that I have these two babies. I am so grateful that they are here and healthy and safe. I am so grateful that I am healing without a lot of complications.

Scott and Logan two weeks

Me and Scott and Logan two weeks

Scott and Logan two weeks

Dano, Scott, and Matt

Scott two weeks

Me and Logan two weeks

Scott three weeks

Scott and Logan three weeks

Scott and Logan four weeks

Me and Scott four weeks

Scott and Logan four weeks

Scott and Logan four weeks

Scott and Logan five weeks

Logan and Scott five weeks

They are now seven weeks old and it has gotten a little easier because I am more healed and we have a little bit of a routine down. But, I am still tired and I hurt sometimes and breast feeding still hurts (I will write a separate post on breast feeding twins). Overall though, things are getting a little easier.

A lot of people ask me if twins are as difficult as I thought they would be; it is harder, way harder than I ever imagined. But, I have had the help of many people. My Mom helped out a lot that first week home. My ward brought meals three times a week for our first three weeks home (and for three weeks before the babies came). Matt was home with me for a month before going back to work. Momma Kimball brought meals, watched kids and helped put kids to bed. My friend, Elise, took Dan and Nicole away many times to play so all I had to worry about was the babies. I have ladies from the ward coming twice a week to hold babies for two hours so I can get a nap or get chores done. My sister Sarah has made meals, and shuttled Nicole to school and she came over at the drop of a hat when I went into labor to take care of my kids. I have had a plethora of help and it has been such a blessing. Don't know if I would have kept my sanity without the outpouring of help from all the people who love me.

So, I did it. I didn't know if I would be able to survive a twin pregnancy and twin babies, but I have made it this far and I am a little proud of me. It has been really scary and made me really nervous, but I am fairing better than expected with the help of everyone around me.

I really love these baby boys so much and every day when I see two babies in my bed or in my arms, I think, "Holy crap! I have two babies." And I am not sure if or when that will wear off.