Stay At Home Mom

I am so excited to announce that my last day of work was last week! This week is my very first week as a stay-at-home Mom!

Matt is working graveyards at Adobe and he is doing his last semester of school AND he is working on an internship and we felt like it was the right time for me to stop working. Matt needed the extra help at home so that he can complete everything that he needs to complete to graduate in April and he needs to pass some certification exams for his job at Adobe. So, I put in my notice two months ahead of time so that my employer had ample time to find a replacement for me and I could train them before I said adieu.

My replacement came on three weeks before my final day, so I had a little bit of time to train him and get him acquainted with the company and the products. My last few weeks at work were super busy as I was trying to give everything that I have in my head to the person replacing me... and by person, I mean people because really they hired two people to do my job. Yeah, I'm that awesome. One person is not enough.

I had my farewell lunch with my favorite coworkers yesterday and even though it was sad to say goodbye to the people that I have been spending every day with for the last 2.5 years, I am ready to leave it behind. I love being a writer. I am really good at and it is fun for me (probably because I'm really good at it), but my life's ambition is not writing, it is being a mother. Some may think that this is setting my sights a little low. Most any woman has the ability to be a mother. But, I can't think of a more fulfilling way to spend my life than to devote it to my children and my husband. I am creating and shaping my children to become awesome people. I can't think of anything more important.

I am so glad that I took the time when I was young to go to school, get my degree, and start my career, because I needed that education and that job experience when my family really needed me to. I have been able to support my family these last few years. But, I am ready to hang up my corporate hat and put on my frilly apron. My babies need me!

Matt has been awesome through this whole process. It is not easy to be a stay-at-home Dad. Matt says that it just doesn't come naturally to him to care for the children and take care of the house. And, on top of that he has been going to school full time. And, on top of that, he has been working full time these last six months. Matt is beyond burnt out. I am beyond burnt out. The last six months, between school, my job, and Matt's job, we only got to see each other.. 1 to 2 hours a day. And during that time, Matt was doing homework. And we didn't even get to see each other every day. 12 days a month, while Matt was working nights, we didn't see each other at all. It has been so challenging. We miss each other, we miss our marriage, we miss being together as a family. So, something had to give and that something was my job.

Yes, money will be tight these next few months as we go from two incomes back down to one income. And Matt is just contracting with Adobe, so he will have to find full time employment when his contract is up, but I know that if we can make it through last semester, we can make it through anything.

And so, it is my first week on the job... as a Mommy. And my first thing I did was clean. I started cleaning the house because it is in desperate need of a deep cleaning. I haven't had the time to clean the house because I feel like I have been in survival mode. Then, when I am done with all my cleaning and organizing (I made a long list for myself). Then, I will work on creating a schedule for the kids and I because I really want these kids to have a schedule. Their lives have been driven by Daddy's school schedule and everyday they never know what to expect because they have been back and forth with sitters for the last 2.5 years. But now more! They will have me home to take care of them and they can count on me always being there.

I am so excited for this new phase in my life. Maybe I can even start to do more of the things that I enjoy. Like quilting, crocheting, scrapbooking, and reading. Maybe I can even finally make some mommy friends. Maybe Nicole can finally go to preschool and dance class. Maybe we will have a normal life. So much to look forward to.

Lunch at Adobe

Last week, Matt had a meeting at work in the middle of the day since most people work during the day light hours (weird right?). So, he picked me up at work and I went with him and the kids so that I could watch after the kids while he was in his meeting.

While we were waiting for Matt, we checked out some of the art that Adobe has going on.

The kids, of course, immediately grabbed the balls rotating on this thing and my attempts to put them back proved to be a catastrophe. I obviously put them back in the wrong places because after a few loops on this contraption, billiard balls started falling down (very loudly) on the concrete floor and rolling every where.
And then I was super embarrassed.

Adobe also has a cafeteria and a full kitchen staff and awesome food. So, we stayed and had lunch there after Matt's meeting.

The new Adobe building is amazing and has a lot of cool stuff for their employees. It makes me a little jealous because my office building is lame. But, I'm glad that Matt has a nice place to work.

Company Party!

These are hurdles, but they were too big for Cole to go over, so she went under.

 A couple of weeks ago, my company had its summer party. I helped to plan this party and it was a LOT of work to set up, but in the end it turned out really well. The theme for the party was Olympics and we planned and set up a lot of games for kids and adults to play that were Olympic-esque.

We had Hurdles, and a Javelin throw that were made from pool noodles. We had an equestrian course for kids to do with stick ponies. You can see the course in the left side of the picture above. There was limbo, water gun marksmanship, nerf gun archery, bicycle and tricycle courses, soccer, croquet, bacci ball, ring toss, bowling, volleyball, rock band, just dance, bounce houses, basketball, duck wading pools, and dodgeball. Like I said, it was a LOT of work to put together and set up. I obviously didn't do it alone, I was just one of the people planning and setting up.

 The kids loved it! They loved playing on the bounce houses and getting prizes for the courses. But, in true fashion, the things my kids loved the most was not all the fun things that were planned, it was the playground. They just wanted to play at the playground at the park.

 Dan did love the tricycle course even though he didn't actually know how to use the pedals.

My favorite part of the party was the food. Some guys at work smoked pork, turkey, and sausage for the food and it was awesome. I wish I could have enjoyed the food more, but because I'm a parent, dinner was spent trying to control the kids and eat as fast as I could.

The company party was a lot of fun. I love free parties, free food, and free stuff. Unfortunately, we missed Adobe's company party this year because Matt works the graveyard shift only on the weekends and by the time Matt read his email at work, the party had already occurred. Curses!

We Did It! We Made It!

First weekend of Matt's new job and we made it through. It was hard, probably harder on Matt than me, but we made it.

Matt went to work Friday night and stayed up all night after being awake all day on Friday. It was kinda like staying awake for 24 hours. Saturday, Matt got to sleep during the day a little. I took the kids out shopping and to a birthday party so that he could have peace and quiet, but daytime is hard to sleep through. Matt only got 5 hours of sleep before the sun and the day got the best of him and he was awake again.

Matt said the second night was better than the first night, but he had a harder time sleeping through the day on Sunday. The kids and I were stuck in the house and as much as I would like the kids to stay quiet all day, it is not in a child's nature. We woke up Matt and the phone woke up Matt and a meeting a church... Matt did not get a lot of sleep and then he had to stay awake all night again.

I hope Matt gets more sleep today, but we shall see. We have Matt's sister watching the kids during the day while he gets some rest. I hope it goes well.

Things were hard on me too this weekend. I am not used to being full time, alone parent. I'm used to taking care of my kids, but Matt is usually there with me and I don't know all of their daytime schedules. It got frustrating at times just because I'm not used to it. Bedtimes were fairly easy because that is what I am used to. I always put the kids to bed.

But, bedtime for me was more challenging. I'm not used to Matt not being there with me and I kept waking up and looking for him, only to find empty space on the bed next to me. Additionally, I was the one waking up with the kids at night every night because I was the only one there. During the week, Matt wakes up with the kids in the night because I work during the day and I am used to sleeping through it.

This will definitely be an adjustment. But, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Next week, we will be armed with more things to help Matt sleep during the day. More curtains, earplugs, white noise, and sleep eye shades.

New Job, New Adventure

A few weeks ago, Matt got a lead on a contract IT job at Adobe that is a graveyard shift. Matt applied for the job, went through the interview process and was offered the position. He passed the background check and he starts the job today!

It is an amazing opportunity that gets Matt's foot in the door with a great company and it works great with our schedule. Matt will work weekend nights on the graveyard shift and then rest during the day on the weekend while I am home to watch the kids.

It will also work while he is in school in the fall because Matt doesn't have any Friday classes. We really hope that this opportunity may turn into a permanent position for Matt after he graduates.

Even though this new job is really exciting and will give Matt the job experience that he needs, I am also a little sad that it has come at this time. With Matt's school schedule, my work schedule, and Matt's new work schedule, we will have even less time together as a family then we did before.

In the past, Matt has had school on week nights, but we always had time together on the weekends, but we will no longer get that time together because Matt will be working at night and sleeping during the day. This job will most definitely be a challenge for us. But, I feel like the sacrifices we make right now, will benefit us in the future.

I can sacrifice my time with my husband for the next few months so that Matt can have a good paying, solid, job when he is finished with school. And then, I can stay home with my children, which is what I really want to do. It will be difficult, but I know that we can do it.

So, he starts his job tonight and he is so excited to be getting back to work. It has been more than two years since Matt had a job and he really feels most comfortable when he is working and making money for our family.

This job will also provide a second income for us and may allow us to get out of the debt that we have accrued while Matt has been in school. I would love to say that my writer's salary pays for all our bills and needs, but it simply isn't true. So, this second income will really help us.

So, we move forward again to a new adventure in our lives that will hopefully get us to our end goal. It is exciting and scary.

Work is Crazy

Work is crazy and frustrating and super busy. I can't really say much about work on my blog for legal reasons, but I'm just not into blogging today because I am stressed about work.

I feel like I work super hard, bend over backwards to get things done correctly on time, and then I am told that my work is wrong for reasons that are beyond my control. The underlying problem is not me, but yet I get the flack for it.

My immediate boss is awesome. I get recognition for my work and she is always there to help and make sure I have the things I need to get my work done. But, I work with a lot of people and there is a lot of pressure to do things right, do it right the first time, and force other people to do their part/job even though I have no power to do so.

I'm just frustrated and burnt out. Just when I think I am done with a project, I'm told that my work is wrong and I have to redo it. I know that that is the way work is, but it doesn't make it suck less.

So, no fun posts on kids today. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Returned!!!

I'm back! And now I shall update you on my less than exciting business trip.

I flew into Oakland on Wednesday morning. The travel was early and uneventful except for the ever exciting BART ride. I was taking public transport while traveling and I traveled the BART (subway) from Oakland to SanFran. BART shouldn't be that confusing, but because I don't know stuff, I did accidentally get on the wrong BART once. But, I just got off at the next stop and hopped on a BART going the other direction and I was fine. BART is not as scary as I thought it would be, but I definitely would not use it alone at night (which was my original travel plan).

I got into the city, walked half a mile to my hotel, dropped off my bags (without seeing my room) and then headed to the office. I had to walk .7 miles to my office, but luckily it was down hill. There are a whole lot of hills in San Fran and I had to do a whole lot of walking. Walking isn't entirely my thing. Especially when I am lugging around a laptop bag.

San Francisco is a whole lot more city than I am used to. There are buildings and streets and nothing in between. Buildings are just smacked right up against each other and all the buildings are enormously tall. But, there are places to eat like every 30 feet or so. It was all a little intimidating because I'm a Utah girl. But, the walk to my work was uneventful, so I guess the city can be safe even when it is intimidating.

I got into the office, which is a mighty tall building with a lot of security. And, I worked, which is not entertaining at all. Unless you find research entertaining. Everyone there was very nice and very helpful and I was able to get the stuff done that I needed to do. And we will leave it at that.

By about 5pm (pacific) I was exhausted! Probably because I had been going since 5am (mountain). So, I trecked up the hill to my hotel and missed my babies and cried and watched tv and fell asleep. I get emotional when I'm super tired.

The next day I woke up (at 4am) feeling less than good. I woke up a LOT during the night because I'm used to getting up 2 or 3 times a night with Daniel (I really need to sleep train that boy). And, then I just woke up super early and couldn't get back to sleep. Maybe I had pushed myself a little too hard the day before with the long day and the travel and the excessive walking. But, I went into work, did my thing, and cut out early. Even though I was only in the office for two days, I still cut out early because I'm awesome and had gotten everything that I needed in a short amount of time. That is just how awesome I am.

I went back to my hotel (another .7 miles when not feeling good) and took a little nap. Then, I headed down to the lobby to meet my brother David. David took me to Castro for dinner with his husband Eric. Luckily, I was feeling a little less exhausted by this time because I had gotten my awesome nap.

We ate at this comfort food sort of restaurant and it was really yummy. I tried Okra for the first time (and didn't care for it) and I tried Gumbo for the fist time (and didn't care for it). But, Eric was kind enough to swap his pot roast for my gumbo and the pot roast was super yummy! It was so fun to catch up and spend time with David and Eric, who I rarely see. This was definitely the highlight of my trip. And, it got my mind off of missing my babies so much. Even though I talked about them an awful lot during dinner.

David and Eric drove me back to my hotel (yay, no walking!) and I crashed not long after getting there. I woke up at 5am the next morning and retraced my steps back to Oakland airport (walking, bart, shuttle, walking). I got home around 3pm and spent the rest of the night kissing my kids cheeks. I missed those kids so much! I would rather be home with them than anywhere else, but I survived the trip, they survived the trip and, most importantly, Matt survived three days alone with them (which is not an easy task).

Many of you mommies out there have husbands who travel and you know that it is not easy watching the kids alone, with no break, for many days. But, Matt was a champ and took good care of those kiddos. Special thanks to my Mom and Momma Kimball who helped with the kids while Matt was in class. Grandmas are awesome.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I am going on my very first business trip this week. My company is sending me to our San Francisco office for a few days. I work with them over the phone and via email a lot, but the higher ups feel that I need to fly out to get hands on experience with what they are working on.

I am travelling alone which is a little intimidating, but I've done it before, I can do it again. All will be well. I'm just going to miss my kiddos so much. I'm trying to pinch their cheeks an extra amount so that they will know that I love them.

So, you won't be hearing much from me this week. Enjoy the break from my blog!

Working vs. Home

I went back to work this week and I miss my babies very much. I know that Nicole is 2 now, but she will forever be my baby. Matt has been wonderful enough to bring the kids to come and see me during the day this first week back. I know that this practice won't be able to continue on forever, but I have really loved it. I look forward to seeing them every day.

Transitioning back to work has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. I haven't been as emotional as I thought I would be. Seeing my baby in the middle of the day has really helped.

Work is not too different from when I left... except for my new office mate (who smokes, yuck!) and my new boss who is starting next week. Work is work, whether I am working with new people or not. I don't have as much to do as I had hoped to because some of my projects were given to other writers in my absence. Ugh!

It is difficult to not feel like I am wasting time when I could be home with my babies. But, I know, logically, that providing for my family is just as important as being with them.

The difference between being home and being at work:
-I check my email about 30 times a day rather than every other day.
-I don't get a nap.
-My day seems so extremely long!
-I am more patient with Nicoley's constant whining/crying.
-My sarcasm has increased since I now talk to adults. (Nicole doesn't get sarcasm for some reason)

This is an adjustment, but I just have to keep telling myself that the kids are with their Daddy and they are well taken care of. And, I have to tell myself that this situation is all temporary. Someday, in the not too distant future, I will be able to be home with my babies and Matt will make the sacrifice to work every day.... for the rest of our lives. I really think I am getting the better end of that deal.

The best thing about being back to work... a paycheck.

Working From Home

It has been just shy of 3 weeks since I had my baby and I am now working from home. I do not wish to work from home, or to work at all during this recovery time. Unfortunately, I got pregnant right when I was starting a new job and I haven't worked for the company for 12 months, so I don't qualify for FMLA.

Instead, I made deal with my boss that I would work from home part time if they would hold my job for me. It sucks, but I need this job to support the family while Matt is in school, so I am doing what I must.

My choice would be to be a Mommy and stay home with my babies. No work. Sigh. Someday.

Cold

Well, it is definitely the fall because it is cold and rainy! Surprisingly, it is not that cold outside. I can go outside without a jacket and still be fine. But, it is freezing in my office! I thought my days of being cold in the office were behind me when I left Dentrix, but I guess I am doomed to always feeling colder than the people around me.

You would think with me being pregnant and my skin being hot to the touch that I would feel hot all the time right? Wrong, I'm cold all the time during the day. I have a sweater that I keep at work to keep me warm (thank you pink Dentrix sweatshirt). And I'm considering bringing in a blanket. I had one at Dentrix and I think it is time to bring it back. They gave me a little space heater, but it makes a high pitch squealing noise every time I turn it on. I don't know why it does this, but it is quite annoying.

I told my boss that I was cold and he was surprised. His office is right next to mine and he feels hot. He said he considered wearing shorts today (he usually wears shorts and flip flops everyday. It is a casual office).

I am so weird. But, I suppose that it is better to feel cold than to feel hot. When I am hot and I can't cool down, I'm just miserable. When I'm cold, I just keep piling on the layers until I am comfortable.

My Days Without Nicole

I hate the days that I have to drop my Nicole off at a sitter's house while I go off to work. Most days, Matt is home with Nicole and it is not difficult to go off to work because she is sleeping when I leave. But, some days Matt has a day where he goes up to Salt Lake to work and we have to find someone to watch Nicole. Yesterday was one of those days.

Momma Kimball was kind enough to watch Nicole for us yesterday. I dropped her off early on my way to work. She cried when I set her down in the house, she just wanted me to hold her and I just wanted to hold her, but I got her distracted and went off to work. I know that it is probably harder on me then it is on her when I leave because I get that heart wrenching feeling in my chest because I know that I will miss her so much. Luckily, she was a good little girl for her grandma and didn't cry too much.

I'm always glad to hear when she does well with the sitter, but then at the same time I feel sad when I'm told the stories of all the things she did that day and I just think that I missed it. I missed Nicoley playing in the yard with the hose and loving it. I missed her chasing the ducks at the park. I just miss my little girl.

Mondays are more difficult than other days because I've had the whole weekend with her and then I have to leave her again. Then, to have to leave her with someone who is not me and Matt is even more difficult. I just love my little one so much. I didn't know that I would love her this much back when I was pregnant with her. I was convinced that my baby hated me and that was why she was making me sick. But, despite the not fun-ness of pregnancy, she was all worth it. Just as this baby will be, I am sure.

Hurry Up and Slow Down

One of the most annoying things about my new job is the hurry up to slow down effect. There is a major rush to get things done and deliver them to development, then there is a big lull with nothing to do until I get my edits back from development. Then, I have to hurry to get the changes back to them... then I slow down again and wait. I forgot that this was a thing with tech writing.

Someone is always waiting on someone else in order to complete their work. Development can't make the build without my work, I can't do my work without their edits... it is all very yo-yo, as in I feel as if I'm being pulled up and down to complete my work. But, on the bright side, the work is not too difficult, just time consuming.

I miss my Nicole. It was so much easier just being with her all day. No deadlines, just mealtimes. No pressure, just playing and having fun. Plus, the naps were a glorious time. Apparently, companies frown upon their employees taking naps during the day, lame! Though being a mom can be stressful at times with the lots of whining, I prefer that to deadlines stressful. I miss her!

New Job

My new job is great! I am super busy because even though I just started, I already have a deadline! But, the people are nice and the environment is good. Right now I don't have a desk so much as a card table in an open area. But I have been promised that I will be moving to a more permanent location soon.

There is free food all the time, free drinks, and I get all the office supplies that I need right away. It is very different from my last company in those respects. They definitely roll out the red carpet when it comes to equipment and food.

Thus far, things are good, but super busy. Back to work!

First Day

It is my first day of work! I am nervous, excited, and really sad. I'm sad because I will miss Nicoley. But, I know that her daddy will take good care of her. Big breath in, and go.

The Hunt is Over!

I finally got a job! I was offered the technical writer position for AccessData, a forensic software company. It is perfect. I get to write, which is what I love to do, it is close to home, and it offers the money that we need to support ourselves. I am very excited! I start on Monday, which is quite soon, but I wasn't about to say no. Matt and I are both very happy and grateful for this offer.

Though I am happy about the job, it is also very bitter sweet. This means that in just a few days, Matt and I will be switching roles; he will be stay at home dad and I'm going to be bringing home the bacon. I will miss my sweet little Nicole so very much. I love her so very much and I'm sad to know that I won't get to spend my days with her. Plus, Matt starts night school soon, so we probably won't see each other much during the day as I will be gone during the day and he will be gone at night. Hello new phase of our life. Even though it will be challenging, I know that it will be worth it to get Matt through school so that we may always have a steady income.

It is such a relief to have this finally happen. But, now I have the fear and nervousness that comes with starting something new and challenging. The job does require a lot of travel, which will be a whole other challenge, but I am eager to start.

Thanks for all the love and support that everyone has given me! I love you all.

I hate the wait

The most annoying part of job hunting, the waiting. I interviewed for a technical writer position yesterday and I really want it, though I know that I am not perfect for the job because I don't know anything about networking (curse you perry the platapus!). But, I love to write and I want to write. That is what I am good at.

I asked when they would be making their decision and was told today. I hate the wait though! I want to just call them and know already. But, logically, I know that I should wait until at least the later half of the day, if not tomorrow. I know that it is a long shot, but I want it. I don't want to work as a receptionist or in a menial paper pushing job (I would for the right pay, but it is not ideal).

I interviewed on Friday with my uncle Darin's company and they offered me the job. I turned it down yesterday because it was just not enough money to pay the mortgage. Matt and I have been getting help with some of our bills and we really want to be able to not have to ask for help anymore, sustain ourselves. Matt is working for about 11.00/hr + bonuses, so I would have to make around 14 to make it worth it for Matt to quit his current labor. I feel bad turning down jobs, especially ones that are outright handed to me, but I have to think big picture.

So, I continue waiting...

Starting Over

I'm starting to feel like Matt and I are starting over. When we got married, we both had good jobs and ample money and we were able to buy a house within a few months of getting married. Most young married couples don't have the opportunity to do this. I look at Sarah and Johnny who married not long after Matt and I and they are still renting and going to school and living at a minimum. Matt and I are kinda starting over and living that low income way that most couples do even though we have been married for three years.

I have to say, I would rather have started out with nothing and worked for more rather than having a lot and then losing it. Retreating is a lot more difficult than the other. But, I expect that this experience will lead Matt and I to learn more about each other and we will have a better marriage for it.

Matt starts school soon, which will be weird for both of us I am sure. I graduated four years ago and Matt stopped his schooling 5 years ago. A return to school feels weird. Even though I will not be taking the classes or doing the homework, I will be right there next to Matt watching him do it and helping when it is possible. Hopefully, this little journey of ours will not take more than a couple years to complete. We both know that this is the right decision for us.

Some days are harder than others when facing the unknown, but today is a better day. I will continue to have faith that the Lord will care for the things that we really need. Thank you for all your prayers and the help that has been provided.

Nervous

Today I am feeling nervous. Perhaps this nervousness will pass tomorrow, but for today it remains. I have been job searching for three months now to no avail. The few tech writing jobs out there that have actually responded to my resume will now not take my calls to verify if the job has been filled. Some people might wait patiently for a response, but I have decided to call them... a lot. I figure if I call enough, someone might actually answer.

School starts next month for Matt. He will be attending UVU. Unfortunately, the math credit that he earned back in the stone age is no longer viable. So, he has to take a math test to get those credits back. But, he can't register for many of his core classes until he has that math credit. Stupid school rules. Hopefully everything will turn out with that.

Once Matt starts school, he will no longer be working during the days, so the pressure is really on for me to find some sort of income, which makes me nervous. I really hope something will happen soon. I apply for jobs most every day, but I usually do not get responses. I quit my babysitting job so that I could focus on the real job getting. It is difficult to schedule interviews and such when you are tied to watching a kid twice a week. This has reduced my stress a little.

Matt enjoys working in the HVAC business for now. He is actually pretty good at it. We are very grateful to Anthon for providing the work, but it won't last forever as school will be starting up soon. I am really hoping that we qualify for a student loan. That will ease some of our financial burden.

I was hoping that this post would help me vent some of my nervousness... but no, it is still there.

Sad

I went to a job interview today and it was going great until they told me that they do not offer insurance to full time employees. So, I left feeling despondent and twenty minutes later they called and offered me the job. I told them I would have an answer for them after I spoke with my husband.

I called Matt and explained the offer. It was only 1 dollar per hour more than what Matt is making installing A/C units and there is no insurance. If it were just Matt and I and not our sweet little Nicole, I might consider going without health insurance, but we have a little girl to think of. So, I turned down the job. We just really need insurance when we have a kid to think of.

I feel crappy though. For months I have been applying and interviewing and I finally finally got an offer, but it isn't an offer that will work for me and my family. I'm just sad about it.

I got a call about a part time technical writer job and I sent in a writing sample for that. I also called about a full time tech writer job that I applied for in May but they are "on hold" with the hiring process. Lame.

I've just got to find something positive to do to get me out of this slump.