Letters to Mommy

Dear Mommy,

I have decided to take after my sister and be very picky about my eating. I know that all I eat is milks, but I want to make things just a little more difficult for you and be very particular about how my milks are served to me.

If the sun is out, I want my milks in a bottle. Do not attempt to nurse me Mommy, because I will just arch my back and shout at you until you stop all attempts to nurse and stick a bottle in my mouth. I am not as particular about the temperature of my milks, but I prefer it warm rather than cold. Also, I'm going to need at least 6 oz every three hours. Maybe you should be writing this down Mommy.

When the sun goes down and it is dark, you may nurse me Mommy, but only with the following conditions:

• We must be laying down on your bed. I will not eat if we are laying down anywhere else and I certainly won't eat if you try any of those other nursing holds.
• Do not even attempt to take out that nursing cover because I hate it and I will thrash and flail until you get that thing off of me. Unless I am in a playful mood, then I will just grab it and stick it in my mouth to suck on.
• I will only eat on your right side unless I am half asleep and you trick me into eating on your left. You are a sneaky Mommy.
• No one else may be on the bed with us or I will not eat. I will just look at the person on the bed with us. Unless, of course, you trick me again and put my silky/soft blanket on my face so that I can't see the person on the bed with us.
• If the person on the bed with us makes any noise at all, or if I see them, I will not nurse. This is my domain and it must go my way!

If you fulfill all of my eating requirements, I may just be a good boy and make goat noises for you. If not, I will scream a high pitched scream that seems like it should only come out of a girl.

Thank you Mommy! 

Love,

Dan da Man