Double Blessed

Matt and I have been trying to get pregnant for six months. Every month, I would be disappointed when I, once again, was not pregnant. I started to think there was something wrong with my body. I felt like maybe I wasn't ovulating, or maybe we were missing our window due to Matt's work schedule or so many other things that could be happening. So, in November, I pulled out my trusty book, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and dutifully tracked my cycle. But, a few weeks into my cycle I concluded that I was really bad at it because my cycle was not looking like the cycles in the book. I decided that perhaps my body really was way off.

December was a month of sickness for us. All of us caught the flu and we were coughing and sniffling and aching and miserable. I was a week into my flu and 32 days into my cycle and my temperature was still high and I couldn't figure out if it was the flu or if possibly I was pregnant. I was so sick and feeling so crummy. I had to know because I wanted to take cold medicine and drink copious amounts of Airborne and I couldn't do that if I was pregnant. So, the week before Christmas, surprisingly, on the same day that my lost pregnancy baby would have been due, I took a pregnancy test. And it immediately showed me that little plus sign. I started crying with relief and happiness. My body works! I am pregnant! It has finally happened.

When I hit my five week mark, I was still very sick with the flu and feeling nauseated on top of that, so I went to the doctor to make sure there wasn't something more serious going on like an ear infection or sinus infection or bronchitis or something. The doctor I saw was not my regular doc and he informed me that I was fine and just had to wait out the flu and that it was way to early for me to be feeling nauseated due to pregnancy so it was probably the flu making my stomach sick. Sometimes I really hate doctors when they tell me I shouldn't be feeling what I am feeling. Because no woman feels sick before the 7 week mark right? That just never happens. Well, I made it through Christmas despite my feeling sick and feeling pregnant and it was a good Christmas.

From the start of this pregnancy, I have been super nervous because I lost the last one and I have also been super emotional. It reminds me a lot of my Nicole pregnancy where I felt stomach sick right away and super emotional right away. I know that my nerves and anxiety affect how I feel physically, which probably has a lot to do with it. I find myself feeling super anxious, especially at night when I am alone (because Matt works graves). I have trouble sleeping because I can't shake the anxiety; my heart starts to beat frantically and I feel the urge to do things, anything, to keep my shakey hands busy. This has been new for me.

So, because I am a super nervous preggo, I wanted to get in to see the doc as soon as possible to ensure that this baby has a heartbeat, unlike my last one. But, because I discovered my pregnancy around the holidays, the doctors office was closed a lot. So, I got an appointment in my eighth week of pregnancy. 

With my previous pregnancy, I went to my brother Norm for an ultrasound at nine weeks and he discovered the lack of heartbeat, I couldn't do that to my brother again, so I opted to see this new doc I found who does his own ultrasounds just in case we were once again facing a missed miscarriage. I asked Matt to come with me this time since I went by myself for my last pregnancy and it was really hard on me. So, we all went together, kids and all. It was a family affair. 

We got to the doctor's office and the kids were doing really well, if a little wild, and they were just happy that they got to play on Mommy and Daddy's phone's. I went through the regular routine of urine test, questionnaire, and having my blood taken. Then, they moved us to the ultrasound room and I had to get undressed from the waist down and wait. Dan was very confused by this. Even though I had a drape, he kept asking, "Why Mommy naked?" We tried to explain that the doctor had to look at Mommy to make sure I am healthy, but he was not understanding.

We had to wait like 15 minutes for the doctor to come and my anxiety rose the longer I waited. I was just so nervous that we would look and there would once again be no heartbeat. Dr. Holmes finally came in and he got right to it and got the ultrasound going. Because I was 8 weeks, we just did the regular ultrasound rather than the internal one. At first I was scared to look at the screen , but Matt was there holding my hand and I looked as Dr. Holmes moved the ultrasound around my belly. Matt said, "I see the heartbeat." I looked and sure enough there was the little flutter on the screen indicating that the baby indeed had a heartbeat. 

Dr. Holmes said, "Yep, there's the heart beat." Then he moved the ultrasound wand a little and said, "And there is the other one." At first I thought, "What does he mean? does he mean another chamber of the heart?" Matt thought, "What does he mean? Does the baby have two hearts?" But instead, Matt asked, "What do you mean?" And Dr. Holmes said, "There are two in there." Twins, fraternal twins. So, it seems that not only did I ovulate, I double ovulated.

Two babies! I looked at Matt and he looked at me and we both started crying and smiling. Not just one healthy baby, but two! I am pregnant with twins! Even though I kinda had a weird feeling about multiple babies a few days before the ultrasound, I was still surprised. I thought my feeling about multiple babies was just me freaking myself out. Because really, who expects twins? My sister Marie always said that she wanted twins, to which I would reply, "Why would you WANT twins?" But here I am, expecting twins and I am so happy. I am completely freaking out, because how do you take care of two babies, but I am overwhelmingly happy too.

So, we are still early on, and we have to hope for no complications and no miscarriages, but we are so excited. After the initial shock has worn off, Matt and I are having opposite reactions to this new adventure we are on. Matt is in planning mode. Trying to work out how we are going to fit two babies in our small little house, cleaning out closets and trying to get organized so we have room for two babies, searching for houses online in case we need to move, and looking at our finances. I am reading twin blogs on pregnancy, making a mental list of baby supplies I will need, planning out in my mind how I am going to care for Dano and Nicole while dealing with a twin pregnancy. How am I going to do swim lessons for the kids this year? Am I going to be able to take them to do fun activities over the summer even though I will be huge? I also have a family reunion this year that I have been planning for two years and I will be seven months pregnant when it happens. That is weighing heavily on me as well. Matt is preparing himself for when the babies are here, I am just trying to prepare myself for this pregnancy. My job with these babies has already started, but I think Matt is prepping for when he can really help with the babies, when they are actually here.

It is probably well known, that I am not a pleasant pregnant woman. I am emotional and I get sick and I get big; like too big to fit in a booth at a restaurant big. I am not really sure how I am going to handle this one. I asked Dr. Holmes what to expect with a twin pregnancy and he said, "Same as a regular pregnancy, except there are two of them." So, I am going to try and go forth with that attitude. It is just the same as a my other two pregnancies, except there are two in there. I hope for a normal low risk pregnancy with healthy babies delivered at the end. 

I am due August 15th. But, who knows, these babies may come early. But, if this is like my other two pregnancies, they will be on time babies. I am just not entirely sure what to expect. I don't know a lot of twin moms... mostly because I avoid them because they have twins and twins are wild and there are two of them. I prefer to hang out with moms with one to two children around the same ages as my kids. But I guess, soon enough, I will be the scary mom with twins.

After the doctor's appointment, Matt and I were so excited to tell our families. I started making my many many phone calls as I have 6 siblings to call. Everyone's reaction was a little different, but everyone was a little disbelieving when I revealed that I am having twins. "I am pregnant. With twins." "Really?" Matt and I are the first to be expecting twins in our generation of our families. Matt and I both have twin cousins, but there have been no twins had by our generation yet. It is kinda a big deal.

We have decided not to tell Dano and Nicole just yet as it was so hard for Nicole to understand when I lost the baby last time. She kept asking for many months afterward when the baby was coming. So, we will wait until I am farther along and then tell her. We just don't want to burden her with this information if she is not emotionally and mentally prepared to handle an unexpected change in plans.

So, we go on this new adventure. It seems that things are never smooth sailing for Matt and I. It is always some new challenge that we are blessed with. We are doubley blessed with these two babies and we pray for their safe arrival into our life.