I wrote this for funsies whilst working hard yesterday. This is a simple tutorial on how to sleep at your desk. This is an art that was thought lost but has recently been revived. Once skilled in the art of sleeping at your desk, you will be able to move on to greater locations like: sleeping at the lunch table, sleeping in meetings, and sleeping while walking.
Use the following guide to successfully sleep at your desk:
The Chair
First, you must have a comfortable chair. Folding chairs are unacceptable. Only the truly sloth can sleep in a metal, folding chair. Once you have obtained a chair, make sure it has the following qualities:
- Recline: The chair must have maximum recline, to the point of almost lying down.
- Cushion: The chair must have cushion. If necessary, mass cushions stolen from the office couch in order to ensure comfort in your chair.
- Back Support: Make sure your chair has proper back support with a high back. This will keep you from falling back and out of your chair once asleep.
Foot Rest
It is important to place your body in a situation that is most similar to lying down, hence the need for a foot rest. The following are examples of acceptable footrests, but get creative in your options
- Computer: You can place your tower under your desk and rest your feet on top. This both warms your feet and provides an ample resting spot.
- Box: Any stray box that you have around the office can serve as a foot rest, but be sure the box is full so that your feet don't break straight through.
- Footstool: You can also use a foot stool if you care to bring one in from home. But, if you are a tall person, you most likely don't own a footstool.
- Midget: You can always hire a midget, dwarf, or elf to be your minion and hold your feet up for you underneath your desk.
Remove Shoes
To obtain true comfort, you must remove your shoes. If you have a foot issue, here are some solutions:
- Wear socks: Warmth and protection.
- Blanket: Drape a blanket over your legs and feet.
- Forcefield: Learn the dark arts and conjure a forcefield around your bare feet to keep them warm and comfy.
Prop Head
There are multiple ways you can go about propping up your head in order to sleep at your desk. If you are truly skilled, you will find that your head won't need anything to prop it up, but will stay up on it's very own. Be careful with this though, many a keyboard face has happened from improper head propage. To prop your head:
- Rest Head on Hand: Must have strong wrists and rings must be removed from fingers first.
- Rest Head on Back of Chair: This only works with high back chairs.
- Shoulder Stick: Fashion a shoulder stick that you can rest your head upon and claim that you have a spinal condition that requires you to wear the shoulder stick.
Look Busy
This is perhaps the most important aspect of sleeping at your desk. You MUST look busy. Here are some ways to do this:
- Keep Hand on Mouse: Keep one hand on the mouse and occasionally flinch in your sleep to keep your screensaver from coming up.
- Hold Pen in Hand: Hold a pen in your hand and have it poised to paper.
- Hold Sheet of Paper in Front of Face: Remember that the paper must have actual work on it for this to be viable.
- Make a Deal with Neighbor: Bribe your neighbor with snacks or money to occasionally talk to you about work stuff when the boss comes by. This makes it seem like you are actively participating.
