Too Big Clanky, Too Big

I think that I am getting too big. My back hurts, my hips hurt, my legs hurt, and my belly hurts. I attribute it all to the fact that I am just too big. My body was not made to carry this kind of a weight. I would venture to say that my body was not designed for pregnancy. It is WAY more painful than I thought it would be.

I heard a lot of formerly pregnant women talk about how uncomfortable they were in their last month, but it goes beyond mere discomfort. This is just outright pain in all the lower half of my body. My body hates me almost as much as my baby does and there is slight relief.

I've found that there are a few positions that give me relief from my aches and pains, but they are not comfortable positions. I can't even sit in my chair at work and be comfortable anymore. My chair has become my enemy. Leaning back in it causes the baby to get all active and kick me a lot, causing me pain. So, I sit up, but then my belly hits my legs and the baby is getting squished, causing me pain. So, I slide forward to the edge of my chair and sit like a man and let my belly kinda hang, but this puts a lot of pressure on the bones in my bum, which quickly go numb and... cause me pain. I cannot win!

This last month of pregnancy is just cruel. To know that I am close to when I will be out of my current misery, but not actually knowing when it will happen is close to torture. I'm ready to be done, but I still have a little over 4 weeks until my due date. And, I might even be late, which would be beyond wrong. But, I'm suppose to be positive... so, yay! I'm having a baby! Then she will be mine and I'll get to keep her and not give her to her mother when she is crying because I will be the mother. But, maybe she will like me best. Positivity is hard. How bout I'll be positive when I get to see the fruits of all my labor.

Every Single Day the Same Arrangement

Life has become a little monotonous lately. Which is better than crazy and awful I guess. Because I'm at the end of my pregnancy here, I am feeling less than wonderful more than a small amount of the time. So, I go to work in the mornings, suffer through the day, and am exhausted and in pain by the time I get home. I suffer because of the baby, not because of the work. I really love my job, I just don't love how very uncomfortable being pregnant makes me. By the end of the work day, I hate my chair because I cannot get comfortable in it.

Then, once I'm home, all I want to do is lay down and put my swollen feet up. So, Matt makes me dinner and I lay down until I fall asleep. I feel really lame. Like I should still be having a life even though I'm enormously pregnant, but I just don't have the energy to do it. Thus, life seems monotonous.

We usually go and see Ree and Anthon once a week or once every two weeks, but they are all kid having currently. I don't currently have the patience for children. I really don't have much patience for adults either, but children are worse. And, kids cry when I get all frustrated and speak sternly to them. Yep, I'm going to make an awesome mom. At least when I snap at adults they just ignore me. Or maybe they go in the other room and cry, it is difficult to say. I don't think I'm handling the end of pregnancy hormones well.

Plus, I miss my Baby. She is all boyfriend having now and I see her so much less. Plus she has school and work. She is a very busy baby. But, she made time to come and borrow some shoes from me last night. What a good baby.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday. I am 25 today. I'm having a low key birthday this year. No big party, no theme, just me and Matt and my ever growing fetus. I just feel too pregnant and too tired to throw a big party this year. So, it will be a calm birthday. Normally, I make it a big shabang, but this is going to be an odd year.

Yesterday we had a few people over for key lime pie, which served as my birthday cake. Matt got me a Cafe Rio key lime pie a few weeks ago and I liked it soo much that we decided to try to make one ourselves. It turned out really yummy. Key lime is my new favorite pie, so sorry pumpkin pie.

Additionally, I've been craving cupcakes for a week now, so Marie made me some white cake cupcakes with cherry frosting. Marie makes the best frosting! It was soooo yummy and satisfied my craving. My sister loves me.

Matt has been sick this past week and I've attempted to take care of him. It is all very difficult when I don't feel well myself after working all day and growing a baby. I really hate how pregnancy drains me of all my energy. I'm super sleepy today, so I'm glad that it is a low key birthday.

Why I Can't Sleep

So, I had a really lazy weekend, which are my favorite kinds of weekends. I work all week and I get really exhausted, so I try to make up on sleep and comfort on the weekends. Unfortunately, I'm 8 months pregnant and have an unruly fetus, so sleep is sometimes very hard to come by.

Recently, my feet, hands and the backs of my knees have been swelling a lot. If I stand too long or sit too long or do anything for too long that isn't raising my limbs above my heart, they will start to swell. Not only is this really uncomfortable/ugly, it is also sometimes painful. I really do not care for this part of pregnancy. Not that I have really cared for any other part either. Pregnancy all together has been one non fun symptom after another. Pregnancy is a torture device for women. It is evil and if I don't get a super cute baby at the end of it, I'm going to be really upset.

So, along with this, I can only sleep on my sides. Unfortunately, I only have two sides. I usually fall asleep on my right side, then I wake up after about an hour because my side has gone numb and starts to hurt, so I roll over to my left. Then, I wake up after an hour and that side hurts. I would roll back to the right, but that side is still sore from when I was lying on it before. So, no matter where I turn, it is a painful sleeping situation. To remedy this, Matt moved the love sac into our bedroom. This provides me with a third sleeping option. I can't sleep on my back in the bed because the baby crushes my insides and I get leg cramps because the blood stops flowing to my legs, but I can sleep on my back in the love sac because it is really more like sitting in a full body cushion. But, once in the love sac, it is really difficult to get out of the love sac because my weight is all right there on the stomach. And, my stomach muscles don't really work right now. In conclusion, sleep is very difficult for me as of late.

Additionally, the baby thinks that bedtime is awake time. It never fails that as soon as I sit down or lay down, she "wakes up" and begins kicking me and turning inside me. Not only is this uncomfortable and painful, but it is extremely difficult to sleep through. I compare it to trying to sleep while someone is consistently poking you in the ribs awake. You really just can't sleep through it. Supposedly, she is suppose to get so big in the next month that she won't be able to move so much because she won't have any space in there. I don't know if this will be more or less uncomfortable. But, I've found a short term remedy for the night time kicking. I've found that if I play Dianna Krawl for my stomach, the baby settles down and stops kicking. Whether this means that she likes or hates the music I don't know, but I don't really care as long as it works.

With all my night time shiftings, in addition to my constant bathroom trips, neither Matt nor I get really good sleep at night. Luckily, Matt doesn't have to be anywhere first thing in the morning, so I don't feel that bad about keeping him up. I guess his lack of a job is kinda a blessing for now because he gets a little extra sleep after I go off to work.

Have I mentioned how I am so ready to be not pregnant anymore?