Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I'm Just Sayin'!

So, puzzle me this Riddler...

I'm more than slightly annoyed as of late because of an individual that I formerly dated. This individual recently found out that I am engaged and decided to take the initiative to leave me a letter. This letter (nine pages single spaced, left on my car) entailed many things, as proven by the length, with the underlying point that the individual loves me, misses me and always hoped that my relationship with Matt was a rebound relationship and how do I feel about all this? And I'm just wondering, who the heck does that?!? Who writes an old flame and professes their undying love AFTER finding out that said flame is engaged! I would have to say that an engagement indicates a very big permanentness! What would prompt someone to think that I even care about them when I've got someone that I obviously love and want to marry? Absolute insanity if you ask me! Plus, really annoying!

Additionally, I am apparently being watched by this person. Inadvertently and supposedly unintentionally (according to the letter), but the individual is noticing when Matt and I come and leave my apartment and went to my graduation to watch me. That just gives me the freakin' hibbie jibbies! Now, I feel like I am being watched whenever I arrive at or leave my apartment! This morning I left my apartment to go to work and right when I stepped off my stairwell, I hear a car alarm or a car horn or some car noise, which I ignore until I get in my car, and then I look (discreetly) and it is the individual outside of their car. This occurs conveniently at the same time that I leave my apartment and the individual's car conveniently makes a noise right as I am in a position to look at the source of the noise! This is just too coincidental for me not to believe that it was not to draw my attention or to watch me more thoroughly! Or, maybe I am really conceited and think that everything revolves around me, but I can't help but think that I am being watched by the individual after I was told that I was being watched. I'm just sayin'!

Why is it that I always seem to get the crazy stalkerish exes? Do I have some sort of sign on me that says, "I'm easily manipulated, stalk me now!" because if I do, I would think that someone would let me know. Lisa, you know that it is your job to take care of me and tell me when I have toilet paper stuck to my foot, so I would think that you would let me know on this one. You are surely slacking your duties. Being stalked once, maybe twice is funny, but after that it just gets excessive! I don't understand the logic in it all. And, if you are stalking someone, you would think that you would want to keep it a bit more of a secret!

So, because the really long letter made me angry and annoyed and creeped out, I burned it and am choosing to ignore it and the sender despite the letter's plead for a response. If excessive ignorance doesn't do the job then I don't know what it is that I will do. I just want to marry Matt and be happy and be left alone and forget the stupidity of my past love interest choices. I just wish that I didn't feel like I was being watched and I really really can't wait to move! Luckily, I have Matt, who acts as my protector, confidant, best friend and husband to be.

So, again, I thank Justin for being one of the more sane people that I formerly dated. That Justin is just good people. He can lift a car you know.


TheMattFace said...

If I were your ex and the stalking type, I would probably stalk you. I'm just saying that you're very "stalk-worthy". (Whatever that means).

Sarah said...

Matt's a creepy stalker Baby! I told you Matt was stalking you! He knew exactly where you were always...and seemed to show up in the exact same places...and he always knows when he's leaving your apartment... Be careful Babes, that Matt will stalk you 'til the day you die and maybe after. -_-

Mc said...


Mc said...

Wait, That was supposed to be before Sarah's comment...though she IS a freak.

Though freak is also a good word in my vocabulary.

Mc said...

Oh, and if you want, I know some people who can deal with these sort of things.

This person can lift a car, you know.

Maybe lift the stalker's car and put it in front of their door so they can't leave?

I stalked Becky once. I do admit that it is painfully easy.

Justin said...

I'm glad it's not me, thanks for pointing that out at the end of this post :)

I don't think I've even SEEN you since, if I'm supposed to be stalking you, I'm probably fired by this point.

However, my car-lifting business is still for hire. I could lift this individual's car in a number of ways. Allow me to elaborate:

1) Lift the car in order to high center it on a block of concrete (normally a process that I un-do).

2) Lift the car with said individual still inside, and then un-lift car into a river.

3) Lift car ONTO said individual.

4) Lift the car, set it back down in the exact same place, and then walk casually over to the individual and punch them square in the teeth, thus enforcing the point that their car has been lifted.

5) Lift the car to a place where it is illegally parked near BYU campus...and then shoot the individual in the throat. I dunno, the parking police are barbaric, but it didn't seem to be enough.

6) Lift the car on top of another car to drive up the individual's insurance (and then let Mike KEEL HIM with his mad accounting skills).

7) Lift the individual and drop him down so his spine cracks on my knee (yeah, it's not a car, but I've seen it in wrestling, and those guys always act really hurt...what? Of course it's real!!)

8) Umm...well, there is no number 8.

9) Lift a 20-foot Nile Crocodile into the car. That's how you make it look like an accident.

Well that's enough for now I suppose. Becky, if you ever feel threatened by this dude, you can call the cops and get a restraining order on him. We pay taxes so we don't have to live in fear.

If you don't want to do that, you know you can always call me if Matt's not available to come walk you to your car or whatever.

Heck, maybe then I can return those DVDs of yours I've had since August haha :)

And as far as the "Ex-bitter-about-marriage" thing, are you crazy??! :) I'm getting free cake in March!! This is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me!!

Hey Mike, does this mean you'll be coming out around then too? SUH-WEET!!

Thirdmango said...

Good work on not replying, as someone who has dealt with something along these lines, the best thing to do is ignore completely, replying will only fuel his insanity. Let him tire out, and have your soon to be hubby grimace and scowl while walking with you. That should work too. Good luck.

Becky said...

You and your car lifting abilities are so valuable Justin! I vote that number 8 be put into affect. I keep hoping that someday I will get my DVDs back, someday... Maybe I'll get them as a wedding gift.

Speaking of which, addresses, I need them still from Justin (if you can get Jasmine's too, that would be stellar) and Mike and whoever else frequents the blog that I don't remember. Email me your address so that you actually get invited to my day of bliss.

You are right Baby, Matt very well may be stalking me. He was at my house when I came home last night and he was there watching me when I ate dinner. And, I'm pretty sure he does know when he leaves my apartment! Creepy...

Becky said...

Who hasn't been stalked by Mike, I mean really... He just stalks people for fun and for cookies. Throw a few cookies his way and he'll stalk someone for you if your own stalking schedule is full.

Goddess said...

Technically, Bex, you did respond to the letter. I mean, you know very well that any self respecting stalker would read your blog. And Matt responding to your response at the very first shows commitment and solidarity (nice going there).

Nice to know how easy Mike is (to hire for manual stalking labor, I mean)--I would set him to stalking my celebrity boyfriend on my behalf, except that James just got married. Oh well.

Oh, and it isn't a Easily Manipulated sign, it's an Occasionally Too Kind and A Little Vulnerable sign. Plus, everybody seems to think that an engagement is the perfect time to rekindle old (and/or dead) romances. Don't you ever watch soaps? Or 80's movies?

Becky said...

Apparently I'm very behind on my soaps and 80's movies. Oye with the poodles already, that is just one more thing to add to the list.

Justin said...

That is something I've noticed, Lisa, that you hit right on the nose. How is it that in soaps or 80s romances (or heck, even later romances) that the ex who shows up all crazy like during the engagement somehow always wins back the girl? In real life, that's called a Stalker. Stupid hollywood, yet again putting false notions into the minds of gullible people, just like the ideas of world peace, Happy Endings, nobility, and...uhh...God.

Ok, well I guess those last two do happen.

Yeah yeah, some of you will say "Well hang on, Matt and Becky getting married is a Happy Ending!" Well, I would answer, no it isn't. It's certainly happy, but ask Becky or Matt and I'm pretty sure that they don't plan to cease to exist as they're running out to their terribly wedding-vandalized (courtesy of Justin and Mike--oh yeah, that baby's gonna get lifted! :) ) car. So yeah, it's incredibly Happy, but it's not an Ending. If anything, it's a beginning.

So that's why I don't believe in Happy Endings.

And that, my little child, is how I became King of the Potato People.

Becky said...

You make a very good point Justin. I would rather not have my wedding be my ending because that is just sad. Contrary to popular belief, there is a life after marriage. I know we all like to think that Rob and Cooper no longer exist since they got married, but I think that maybe, just maybe, they have entered the exclusive, members only, hush hush, secret married peoples club. Within this club, rumour has it, people go on existing after marriage and they co-exist with other wedded people like themselves. Single people are often unaware of this world because they are purposefully excluded for being single and therefore lame. But, it could only be myth, maybe I will cease to exist post nuptuals, time can only tell.

Hopefully, I will be able to tell whether there is life after marriage. If you notice a decline or a stoppage in my blog after I wed, then I want you to assume that I am dead. In which case, I will need to write a will.

Becky's Will:
To my energetic older brother who lives in a different state, I leave my playstation 2 and playstation 2 games which I stole from him which he stole from John. This will include Matt's Guitar Hero 2 because we can only assume that Matt will be dead too.

To my older sister with brown hair, I leave my pink razr because it is far more superior than her silver one.

To my Baby, I leave my blog because she is the only one who will appreciate my rantings and ravings. Plus, she may maintain it as an effegy to me. Oh, Baby also gets all of my books and all of my incomplete writings.

To Justin, I leave Sandy so that he can lift her for old times sake. And in a year, if you continue payments, she can really be all yours! Justin will also be gifted my dvds which will probably still have because he's had them since August.

To Lisa, I leave all of my clothes including my wedding dress. Additionally, Lisa will recieve all of my board games because she is one of the few people who can whoop me at all of them. Darn you Lisa!

Normally, I would leave all of this crap to Matt, but if I'm going, he's coming with me! Let's hope I don't die because I like my stuff.

Oh, and if you didn't recieve anything, then you obviously don't comment enough on my blog to be warrented my junk.

TheMattFace said...

HEY! What's with the pre-emptive giving away of Guitar Hero to Mike? Due to his lack of a social life, I would like to give said Guitar Hero to "The DJ". A guy has got to have something to do when he is not overburdened with homework or passed out in a recliner that is upholstered with the pelt of a very large muppet.

Sarah said...

I support this decision fully Baby and would carry on this blog in memory of you. So much so that it may even be considered creepy how obsessed with you the blog would become. Possibly there would be "Posts from Becky from the beyond" where I would pretend to be you posting and then people would get creeped out and stop visiting except for your psycho ex-boyfriends who would lap it up like the already crazy'z they are. Thanks for the books.

Mc said...

No fair! I only get to read/post in the morning or at usually nothing has been posted in the morning if I checked the night before and then you all assault me with comments and I get left behind.


Anyway, I'd like to say, "AHEM! I already HAVE a playstation 2. I'll take the games, though. You now owe me one PS3."

And, Lisa, if you ever need my stalking abilities, they are yours.
In fact, I happen to be pursuing a lovely lass named Lisa ATM. She's such a great dancer! If I'm crafty enough I'll get her to post on your blog and then you'll be sorry!

Oh, and there is no "secret marraige" club thingy. I know! I told Cooper there was and when he showed up to initiation I killed him and replaced him with an emotionless, laid back robot who plays computer games and doesn't have any audio sensors so he can only respond to visual commands.

I thought it was a good replacement.

As for Robert, I told him he had to find the Jade Monkey before the next century turn and he wandered off on the quest.

Strangely her returned in a week with the Jade Monkey. I was quite pleased and let him live. I've been searching for that thing for years!!

Hmmm, as for cars. Yes, they will be trashed. All ur carz R belong 2 us! Whether lifted or vandalized.

Go read my blog!

Goddess said...

Mike, pathetic plug for your blog, but thanks for the stalking. Good people go to SF, and as I cannot be there myself...
Becky, I would love all your clothes (not that I'm not getting the best of them anyway) and if you did die, I'd play every game in your memory and then your spirit could laugh with mine at the person we beat. If, however, you'd like to do a little cheating and help me, I'd always appreciate that, especially since, as a ghost, you wouldn't have much else to do. Matt could help too, but somehow I suspect he'd be against cheating, and probably bored.
And Justin, thank you for agreeing. I win.

Goddess said...

And uh, who's thirdmango, because I thought I knew you, and now I'm not so sure.

Becky said...

Oh, I'd totally help you cheat! Winning is the most important thing!