Since I started staying home with the kids, I find myself frustrated with them more than I used to be. Since I used to only spend 3 or 4 hours with them a day (not counting the weekends), I felt like I was able to keep my cool and my patience. But, now that I spend every day with them seven days a week without any time away... I find my patience just doesn't last as long as I would like it to.
So, I have been trying to find ways to ease myself out of a frustrated state when the kids are just driving me crazy and won't stop fighting or crying or whining or asking me the same questions again and again.
Here are some of the things that I have found have helped.
I leave the situation that is frustrating me, go in my room for five minutes alone and turn on the tv just for five minutes so that I can calm down. The kids survive the five minutes that they are alone and quarreling with each other. And then I feel a little better and can go back to refereeing and putting kids in time out.
I sew. I go in the laundry room which is now also the office and my sewing room and I work on my quilt for a little while until I feel a little less frustrated with whatever situation that they kids are posing.
I word search. I have a word search app on my tablet and I love to play word search, so sometimes I just pull it out and distract myself. Plus, I'm really good at it so it makes it even more fun.
I do the dishes. Which doesn't really help my frustration so much because then the kids come in the kitchen and try to help which doesn't help and then I get more frustrated... but, the dishes do need to be done... and it does take me away from whatever conflict was occurring and a clean kitchen makes me feel happier, so I do it all the same.
That is all I have come up with so far. What are your techniques for cooling down? Or maybe you all never get frustrated with your kids? Maybe everyone else is a perfect mother who never gets angry and their kids never fight. But I feel like this is all newer to me because I haven't been full time mothering to two kids... ever. I love my kids, I love being home, I love spending time with them... I don't love the fighting and the crying and the noise. I suppose I will either find a better way to deal with frustration, or I will magically develop more patience.
Anthon as Homer
3 years ago
4 comments:
Meh, I don't know. I only have one kid and the most frustrating things he does are very occasionally cry for no reason (but then I just stick him in time outs) and not eat perfectly delicious food for no good reason. Which ain't too bad in the grand scheme of things. We'll see how things are once there is a sibling.
I'm bad, I tend to end up yelling. But there's four of them and they're all little, there's never a moment where nobody is crying it seems. It's always something. And I'm home with all of them all day everyday with no break ever. Naptime/rest time is my saving grace, I probably couldn't survive without it. Even the older kids know to be quiet and leave me alone during that time.
Being a full time mother is the most rewarding and, at times,the most frustrating job in the world. You don't get to see all the fruits of your labors, or feel appreciated until many years have past. Delayed gratification is often synonamous with the word "mother." But, in the end, it is all worth it.
Good for you for finding ways to help yourself destress and move forward each day with a smile on your face and love in your heart for your sweet little ones.
Something I learned as a teacher (I really could have used it more when I was a stay-at-home mom) was that I set the tone of my classroom (or home). If I can remain calm, look for the humor in everyday stresses and try to turn a negative situation into a positive one, I am miles ahead and the kids are happier too.
I think you are doing a fabulous job as a mom. Your kids are lucky to have you.
Two kids is totally different than one. If one kid is already crying and the other kid starts asking me a bunch of questions or wants me to do something, it's much easier for me to lose my cool. One kid is a sinch compared to two. And when you have 5, it's just pure chaos all the time. It sounds like you've got some good ideas going. And I think you'll get used to the stay-at-home-ness of it all soon.
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