Life Sucks Dontcha Know, Dontcha Know?

So, I've been thinking for the past three months, hey, my life sucks and I hate it with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. No, sorry, a thousand is not nearly enough, infact no amount of suns could compare to how I feel, the only good these suns would be is if I was somehow launched into one and it could burn up my hatred and sorrow along with everything else that is me. Most of you might not get this, then again I really have no idea considering my audience is mostly Becky's friends so I'm like in the dark there with that, but the point is that no one sees it. I walk around feeling like this every second of every single day, but I hide it, from the my family, friends, and as odd as it may sound even from myself. It's kinda like everyone is in the dark, and somehow they cannot see these thousand or more suns that I'm just wanting so badly to hurl myself into, I feel like these suns should be visible by all, I mean they're huge fiery balls of gas and there's lots of them, why can't people see them? I have come to realize that first of all, people not only do not understand, but have no idea how to react and are therefore either faking that they can't see, or just too afraid to do anything about it, second of all I might just be too good at pretending that I don't feel like screaming and breaking down on the floor crying every moment. I almost this lack of seeing idiotic because there is no possible way that I could feel fine, no matter how good I am at deceiving others. I'm just so sick of everything, I'm sick of pretending, I'm sick of feeling like this, I'm sick of waking up, of going to sleep, and it just feels like it will never end, like these feelings will never go away and i'm just so tired. This morning it just seemed like the hardest thing in the world to go on pretending, and it has been the same all day, I'm really beginning to freak people out, which is why I put on the act in the first place, so people wouldn't act how they are acting right now, afraid and not knowing what in the world to say. I just don't know what do to, and no one can help cuz they don't understand and they don't know what to say, so I end alone, alone in this endless battle with myself and my emotions. It just feels like it will never end, never go away, never stop hurting, and I'm getting to that point where I need to say something or I'm going to explode from holding it all in. That poem Becky wrote, yeah, I don't think anyone got it, so if you will go to the rainbow poem and highlight the last line which is in black so that you can't see, it's not the happy poem that everyone saw. I just want it to stop, can't anyone make it stop, can't anything make me happy, truly happy, for that one blissful moment so that this sadness can at last start to ebb even a little? I find the answer as a resounding no, so I trudge on alone, as before, and as it seems it shall always be, until I get launched into those pretty suns. Pretty, pretty suns.