Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Why I hate Skiing

So, Matt took me skiing for the first time ever and I have to say that it was not enjoyable. First and foremost, above all else, ski boots are the most uncomfortable and painful thing that I have ever put on my foot. And I have worn a LOT of uncomfortable high heels in my time. But the heels were worth the pain because... cute! Ski boots, not cute in the least, thereby making the pain so not worth it. The boots cut off circulation, so my feet kept going numb, plus they put pressure on my shins, calves, toes, tops and bottoms of feet an inside of foot. Additionally, it didn't matter if I was standing or sitting, the boots were painful just to have on. They also force you to stand in a way that my muscles are not in the least used to.

The actual gliding on the snow part did not go too unfortunately, I was a little shaky at first because I was scared or skiing out of control and falling, but eventually I was able to keep my skis straight. Oh, I should mention that I didn't actually go down a hill or mountain or anything. I rode the rope (a training rope that teaches you to ski) down a slight decline and then I rode it back up again. This was the extent of my skiing experience and it was more than enough!

My legs did not like standing in the position you must stand in in order to ski. My muscles would start to shake and threaten to not hold me up any more and I would have to stop. So, just to ride the rope down the slight decline, it took me like 45 minutes. Plus, the ski boots caused me so much pain, I just couldn't stand in them for prolonged periods of time.

Additionally, when riding the rope back up the slight incline, I had to use my arms muscles so that it could pull me along. It was then that I realized that I have no arm muscles. I was able to ride the rope up the whole way with out needing a rest, but again my muscles were shaking and they did not like it!

After I was done riding the rope down once and up once, I was done for the day. I have concluded that I am not a fan of skiing. The whole experience would not have been so bad if it weren't for the boots. I was able to deal with the feeling of having the skis on and gliding through the snow and I can always condition my muscles to getting used to standing in the awkward skiing position, but the boots were unbarable! I couldn't wait to get those painful boots off!

I didn't even go on the ski lift, which I thought was a plus because I'm afraid of heights and that lift looked like it went really high! And, there was no bar to pull down in front of you in the ski lift at Alta. I'm pretty darn sure I would have been scared out of my wits and hyperventallated and had an asthma attack and died. Good thing I didn't do that.

Matt was very good to me the whole time though. He was patient and followed me around on the rope and taught me what to do and sat down and took a break with me when I wanted to. He was wonderful! Plus, he carried my skis for me when I wasn't wearing them. DJ was also very patient as I attempted to learn how to ski. Matt took me up to the restaurant after I was finished and bought me hot chocolate. He is pretty much the best boyfriend ever! The unfortunate skiing experience was in no way related to Matt, it was merely those blasted boots!

In conclusion, Matt will have to pursue his skiing activities with people who are not me.


Sarah said...

What happened to inviting me huh?! I could have been otrtured with you! I demand a recount...

Becky said...

I decided to protect you from the pain and suffering that is skiing. Don't worry Baby, you didn't miss much!

Goddess said...

This has nothing to do with anything, but I just got through the Room of Requirement on JK Rowling's website to find the title of book 7. Cool.

Justin said...

Wait! I have to guess!!

Harry Potter and the Lone Mantis of the Apocalypse

Harry Potter and the Coffee Stain of Insomnia

Harry Potter and the Gimp with Two Heads That Take the Form of Harry's Parents and Mess With His Head So He Almost Crashes on His Broom...AGAIN!!

Harry Potter and the Thighmaster of Doom

Harry Potter and the Beating of His Life He Gets from Lord Voldemort

Harry Potter vs. Predator

Harry Potter and the Fourth Reich

Harry Potter and the Canceled Convention

Harry Potter and the Rise to Glory of House Hufflepuff (seriously, why are they even in this bi-partisan school? Which reminds me...)

Harry Potter and Ralph Nader's Campaign for Headmaster of Hogwarts

Harry Potter and the Passion of Dobby

Harry Potter and the Just Buy This Book Please I Need a New Boat

Oh yes, I went there. I think Harry Potter has turned to the Suck and is just riding a wave of popularity and sentimentalism. The kind that keeps Star Wars alive and George Lucas out of a cardboard box where he belongs. Boo, I say.

And now for something completely hostile.

Goddess said...

You're just jealous that you're not as popular as Harry.

Mc said...

I'm as popular as Harry Potter. Just ask anyone in my family who is me.

Justin said...

But wait, there's more!!

Harry Potter and Snape is a Bad Guy

Harry Potter and Gromit

Harry Potter and the Android's Dungeon

Harry Potter and the Ninja That Kills Him

Harry Potter and the Original Cast of Battlestar Galactica

Harry Potter and the Time He Met Sally

Harry Potter and Tigger Too

Harry Potter and the Sunglasses He Wears At Night So He Can, So He Can See the Light That's Right Before His Eyes

Harry Potter and the Giant Peach

Harry Potter and the Five-Ounce Bird Carrying a One-Pound Coconut

Harry Potter and the Siege of Troy

Ok, I'm having way too much fun with this. The truly sad thing is that I know Mike could take any one of these titles and transform it into a novel that would have a better plot, style, story, and dialogue than anything Rowling has crapped out recently. It might even sell, too.

Justin said...

Imagine, if you will, the following dialogues appearing in the first 4 Harry Potter books.

HP and the Sorceror's Stone:

Harry: "Alright gang, let's find out who's underneath Professor Quirrell's Turban!"

*takes off the turban*


Lord Voldemort: "Yes, it was I who drank the unicorn blood and smelled bad! And I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you pesky kids and your meddling half-giant!"

HP and the Chamber of Secrets:

Harry: "Gee Tom Riddle, that's a strange, made-up looking middle name you have..."

*Tom Riddle rearranges the letters to spell "I AM LORD VOLDEMORT"*

Harry: *gasps* "OH MAN!! How did I not see THAT one coming!!"

Tom Riddle: "That's right! I made up that stupid middle name decades ago, all with the sole purpose of surprising you now!!! And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your pesky phoenix!!!"

HP and the Prisoner of Azkhaban:
(now I actually liked this one)

Harry: "Alright gang! Now let's see who's behind that mask!"

*pulls off Scabber's mask*


Wormtail: "Actually, you have me confused with that guy from Lord of the Rings."

Harry: "Oh right, sorry. Wormtail!!!"

Wormtail: "Don't worry bout it." *smiles pleasantly*

Harry: *waits awkwardly in the silence*

Wormtail: *realizes it's his line and stammers out*
"That's right! I've been one of your favorite characters in the first two books, and now you feel total betrayal!! What a small world!! And what an ironic plot twist that makes lots of sense and doesn't seem like I just made it up to try to surprise people!!"

Harry: *still waits*

"Oh right...uhh....and I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids and your pesky werewolf, dog-magus, whomping willow, dead father's protection animal, and hippogriff!!"

HP and the Goblet of Fire:

Harry: "Alright, now let's see who the runty little midget in the chair is!!"

The Graveyard Scene begins.

Harry: "Lord Voldemort!"

Lord Voldemort: That's right! It was me who is still the badguy and I did all that bad stuff or had my evil minions do it for me!! And Draco Malfoy's pretty Elf father is my servant too! And I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling....hey, wait a second....I've got a bunch of my followers here in their silly costumes, and you're trapped...I think I did get away with it!!"

A Death-Eater: *whispering* "Um...sir...turn the page in your script..."

Lord Voldemort: *turns the page and reads* "Uh huh....mmmhhmmm....what?!?!?! You get saved by the astral projections of your parents from my own wand??!??! That doesn't even make sense!!! Who is WRITING this stuff?? And why in the world do I look like a retarded Smeagol???"

Professor Lupin: *walks onto the stage for a one-liner* "Hmmm...wonder if it has anything to do with me being a were-Smeagol in the third movie. G'night everyone!" *walks off the stage to the sound of cheers and applause*

Harry: "So ahhh...where were we?"

Lord Voldemort: *slumps down on a tombstone, depressed* "Whatever, just grab the stupid goblet and get out of here. I need to call my agent."

Later, back at Pigblemishes School for Gifted Youngsters in Dresses....

(there's a sign in front of the castle that says "Welcome to Hogwarts: Home of Griffindor, Slytherin, and those other guys."

Mad-Eye Moody: "Hey Harry, I'm your best friend and I've saved your life like a million times in this book."

Harry: "Yes you have, Mad-Eye, thank you."

Mad-Eye Moody: "Well, just imagine how surprising it will be in a few moments when I reveal to you that I'M THE BADGUY!!!!"

Harry: "What? Are you sure?"

Mad-Eye Moody: "YES!!! MUAAHAHAAHAAA!!! See? I stick my tongue out now! I didn't do that before because I wanted to illusion to be complete, but now that I'm telling you I'm the badguy, I'm going to pretend like I've given you reason to suspect all along!!"

Harry: "I don't know, Mad-Eye, that doesn't seem to make much sense..."

Mad-Eye Moody: "Yes it does! I'm so dedicated to my craft that I staged an elaborate ruse for an entire book trying to kill you in subtle ways when really it would have been much easier to just kill you straight up the moment I walked in the door!"

Harry: *pauses, considering all this* "Listen, if you're not going to take this seriously...I'm out." *walks off stage*

Ok, yes, I probably mixed in some of my rage against the movies in there too. But you all know it could happen.

Mc said...


Goddess said...

The only good point I give you in all that is the pretty elf father comment.

Justin said...

I hear they recycled lots of things from Lord of the Rings in the HP movies, like Elf hair, and....wizards.

Oh and Becky I'm sorry you're feeling sick! Hope you're doing better today!!

Sarah said...

Recycled elves...mmmmm. Love Harry Potter, less than impressed by the movies. None the less I shall still go to the first day of every single one, and if you're lucky, I'll dress up :)

Becky said...

Wow, the dedication that Justin puts into my blog is phenominal! If only he could apply the same amount of creativity to his own blog, maybe people would visit it. But, I did find your little reinactment very humorous! Keep up the good work!
Oh, and thanks for telling me how to open the door Lisa!

Justin said...

Go to my blog now, there's dancing!